Thursday, December 28, 2006

So, Christmas was a riot...and i mean of people not the general chaos. Fifty plus relatives, mud, insane food requests and eating non-stop. But it was all good in retrospect.

On the job front, looks like i'll be here a while. Nairobi it is. That's OK...I think.

I'm currently running a b and b or atleast that's what my neighbours must think. I''m hosting some guy (friend of a friend) and an old friend. It';s hard sharing space with people especially for more than 2 days. But i'm hoping to reclaim my space soon, get back into the pre-Christmas Zen state when things i needed to do were clear and just chill out.

Meeting alot of friends who have changed. Some for the better and others...well...i'm not so sure. Some of their comments about relationships (seems alot of the Christmas/holiday conversations turn to relationship issues) are so downright sexist, i want to slap him! Stupid guy!
Basically for him he has to be head of the household...in this day and age even in Kenya,that's a bit obsolete. It's a notion designed by society to continue the supremacy of the male in any instituion. It's maddening. And 'he of all people should know better. But behind all that macho, bravo stuff, he seems to be running scared, that his buddies have left him behind in the marriage game. As i keep saying, patriarchy is the evil that in the long run, doesn't discriminate and leaves men and women worse off. but does anyone listen....
In the end the pressure to 'settle' down is hard on both men and women. Of course the effects are in varyinging degrees, but the sum is that, we are all losers in the patriarchal manouveres. Yet men continue to resist the idea that, marry in your own time and not out of some misguided idea of continuing your 'blood line''....

Thirty first is round the corner. Party, party, party.

Then a new year and new possibilities. Yes!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Christmas and all that razzmattaz

Here’s wishing myself and all my fellow sistas a wonderful Christmas and a peaceful New Year.

I don’t know where I’ll be blogging from next year but it just might not be Nairobi. Perhaps the US. Let’s see. It’s a weird move for me who is so Afrocentric and jumped on the first plane back to Kenya after both my undergrad and grad school, but a fantastic offer is being discussed and so I might just be going to bushland…not sure how I feel about being in that particular political climate. But I definitely welcome the change.

So, I’ll still be online on and off and perhaps blogging from a rather red apple. I’ll probably do more, knowing very few people in the new place.

Merry Christmas. I’m off to prepare my feet for some real work in the village, with the family. Actually looking forward to all the predictable Christmas fare (despite what my expatriate family might think)…chapos (and the annual Christmas competition by my aunts on whose are the best chapati’s. . .the men rarely notice . . .they definitely don’t get into pissy moods about who roasts goat the best! I think they sometimes just want validation for the valuable contribution they make during this season…the time taken to cook 60 plus chapati’s and then you have some stupid male cousin or uncle just chowing down on said chapati’s without so much as a by the by thankyou. I’d be in a pissy mood. Actually I’ve found a well placed double gin and tonic in a coffee mug, makes the time in the kitchen just flyJ)J and nobody is the wiser! Definitely not my dad as he bosses us around the kitchen! Telling us we will chop our fingers off…hello! ), that carroty, pea beef stew, pilau (yum!) and kachumbari (for those not in the know, a kind of salsa –ish salad with chilli peppers). A visit to my grandfather. I think this Christmas I might get him a cell phone. A friend of mine received a call from his 72 year old grandfather today from his cellphone. Got me thinking. Why shouldn’t dear old grandpa enjoy one of those., Mind you, a simple Nokia. None of those Motorola flip top things! Lord knows he might just sell and buy a cow with the proceeds! bless him!

And I’m I drinking more than usual this season? Feels like! Every evening is another plot with some friend, visiting relative, visiting friend, long fallen out friend, yikes! Have to pace myself! There’s still 31st!!!!

So Merry Christmas to all and have a blessed New Year. AF

Saturday, December 02, 2006

16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence

The Campaign's back and runs from November 25th to December 10th 2006. And there's much on offer, to get you thinking once again about what each individual can do to end gender violence.
At a recent launch activity, it was encouraging to see faith based organizations getting on board. They especially in Kenya play a critical role in the lives of families and individuals. Despite our adoption of modernized ways, faith plays a huge part in our lives. These institutions hold a lot of sway. It was heartening to hear one faith based network call for faith leaders not to misuse faith texts in ways that actually encourage gender violence. Which is a major statement on their part, as we all know how priests, pastors, and other religious leaders tend to ask their followers to just hang in there, even at great risk ot their own personal safety.

The saddest story that i've heard since this campaign started, is of a woman whose estranged husband killed their only child. But the saddest part of this, was that she had no support from those that should ordinarily provide support - family, friends, relatives. Everyone would ask her to hang in there since the man was at least providing for their material needs. Eventually after one particularly bad incident, she walked out with her child and set out to create a new life, clearly less materially well off, but for once her child slept without nightmares. Until the day her estranged husband lured the child to his house and then proceeded to play a hide and seek game that tragically ended when he mutilated the son's body and called the lady with the news. To see this woman stand up and speak about it, is to see real pain and tragedy. Yet, as she told us, somehow with amazing strength and real hope she has come out of a deep dark hole of despair with immense support from a local organization. She has created a semblance of a new life and somehow is able to wake up everyday and put one step in front of her. The memories will clearly never be stained by that dark day when she lost her child, but she says the present is also calling for her to live. There wasn't a dry eye in that room.

A group of young single mothers mostly under 18 from informal settlements in Nairobi are trying to recreate their lives in ways that do not involve violence. Many have children from non-consensual sex and have dropped out of school. They have lost their childhood but are earnest in their efforts to actually create a different reality for their babies.

For an interesting take on fighting gender violence in society, see www.blanknoiseproject.blogspot.com for what Indian women are doing to confront what is known as eve-teasing. Harassment - verbal and non-verbal, physical and non-physical on the streets. A familiar situation in Nairobi and other towns in Kenya.

For more information on the 16 Days Campaign see www.cwgl.rutgers.edu/16days/home.html

For once, a journalist has called to heel fellow colleagues who promote ignorance and hate against particular groups in Kenya. Clay Muganda in Friday's Daily Nation has lambasted some radio presenters who on a recent show displayed such ignorance regarding the transmission of HIV/AIDS and basically encouraged callers to join in this shocking discriminatory situation. Callers said things like, they would not let sick relatives live with them, share utensils etc. and would send them to the village since they were dying. There was no single attempt to confront these attitudes. It might as well have been the 'let's bash HIV positive people' show!
This show is one of many that seem to be all over the airwaves, where presenters just spend hours blabbing ignorantly about the situations people find themselves in from gender violence to unwanted pregnancies. Sadly some of those doing these shows are women, who goad listeners into shocking statements on issues that are so serious and have major implications for the lives of women and men.